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"I said "is there anything I can do?" She looked at me,you could see the wheels turning in her head,for a long time.Finally after a long awkward pause Jenna said "you could take me out,get me drunk and have your way with me."I laughed out loud but she wasn't laughing.Her face was stone serious.I stopped laughing apologizing.She said "I am dead serious.Would you?" I would take you out with no hesitation," I said "but I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage." What a lie that was.She laughed "I would be willing, you would not be taking advantage and I am so ready for this.I'm fed up and need something.Besides I couldn't pick a better person.At least I know you and what kind of person you are." Boy she really doesn't.It took weeks for her to arrange a night that would work for her.I suggested we go to my place but she said it was still to close to home.So I got us a hotel room in the city.We arrived at the hotel and once in the room Jenna started kissing me "I need you to fuck me. It is not every day that you find someone who makes you feel the way he has made me feel and as pathetic as it is to admit, I don't want to let him go. So, with that, I have decided to settle for this, "friendship."I have decided to settle for continuing to interact with him in any way that is possible to do so, whether that means I only get to talk to him once a week or even once a year. I have elected to watch him live his life with a person I know is not right for him and I have chosen to keep my mouth shut about my feelings indefinitely not matter how much it eats away at me. The worst part is that not a single one of my desires has waned. Not one has become less intense, or less aggravating, in the past weeks regardless of any logic I have tried to force myself to acknowledge. I thought the dreams of him would cease if we ended things but I could not have been more wrong. The sensual ones are what haunt me the most and make me feel the most shameful. I have spent many hours.
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